Today marks two months since I fractured my left knee and 2 weeks since the surgery to remove the cancer from the same leg.
Like everyone else, I’ve had difficult times in my life. For the most part it’s all been health related. It’s hard to explain the feeling you experience when you’re diagnosed with something. It’s like your insides emplode.
So with all the health issues I’ve lived through since the age of 8 this recent one has been the most difficult for me and it has nothing to do with the physical part of healing.
For the first time in my life (and I’m old) I lost hope. In the hospital I actually told my mom I was tired of being me. Maybe it was due to the shock of the fracture, having to deal with two health related problems at one time, or just being tired and worn down from a life of illness.
When I got home from the hospital I wasn’t myself. My sister kept asking me if I started back writing. Eventually, I forced myself to open up my files and write something . . . anything. I really had to claw my way back to hope. Writing The Dance has been a big part of my healing.
So, why I’m I boring you all with this? Because if you’re dealing with something that you think is insurmountable and your hope has disappeared, hang on. Find that “thing” that gives your life purpose and do it. Even if you’re just going through the motions at first. I promise you soon the light at the end of the tunnel will get brighter.
I went to my first physical therapy session today. It went well. I’m going to have to work hard to get back to where I was before but I will do it. I have my hope back and its made me stronger than I ever imagined I could be.